The Phrases shared by My Dad Which Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider failure to open up between men, who continue to hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."