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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, parents affected by a child’s addiction fear the discussion will focus on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the far more common dangers of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can overcome this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a college degree, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”